things I HATE about weddings

I've been absent lately (sorry!) and in the meantime I've started driving myself crazy over silly details and all kinds of things that have the power to turn a normal woman into a crazy bridezilla. So, I'm going to take a minute to remind myself of what I want out of my wedding day. To look at that, I have to force myself to remember that this is NOT a Martha Stewart wedding (though she does have some good ideas) and that this is NOT my friends' weddings (as lovely as they have been), this is NOT my mother's or sister's wedding and this is NOT a WIC wedding. Looking through wedding photos from people I do and do not know personally, I have to say that I see so many common themes. These themes are not necessarily steeped in tradition, but rather are things that we are "told" that we must incorporate into our day. Below is a listing of things I hate to see forced on brides. If you truly want these things, it is one thing. But to be made to feel like you have to have them in order to either keep up with your friends (i.e. compete with them) or because it's the "thing" to do is wrong. No wonder so many married couples begin their lives with wedding debt (or saddle it on their parents).

Disclaimer: if you have done these things, I am in no way judging you. I just want to know why I am expected to do/have them as well.

• Alcohol - Don't get me wrong, I love me some wine. But I wonder: do people really have to be trashed to have a good time? Is there not an instance where you can attend an event, be sober and enjoy yourself? Do you feel that it's your "right" to be served booze at a wedding reception? If you can't have fun at my wedding without a "beverage", then I really don't want you in attendance anyway.
  
• A band or DJ - My FH and I don't really dance. Plus, our wedding is alcohol free. Also, DJ's don't really play "our" type of music and we're not big into cover bands. Since FH has a PA system and since our iTunes libraries are both full, why not just set up a playlist? We will save $300 and get to hear the music we want to hear, when we want to hear it.
  
• Calla lilies - Once upon a time, I couldn't imagine a wedding without them. I've since changed my mind, since my own wedding won't have a single one in sight. They're still one of my favorite flowers, but I've seen them so many times in so many weddings. It's time for a new "it" flower, IMO.
  
• A layered wedding cake on a silver stand - I'm having a cupcake wedding. You wanna know why? Yes, because it's cheap. Cheap as in "I can feed 150 people for a FOURTH of what a cake costs". Seriously. You can get 150 cupcakes from Publix for under $100. Ask them about a wedding cake that feeds that many, and you will hear $300-$400 as a base price. If you are fortunate enough to have someone make you a cake as a gift, I am all for the layered cake. But, I ask that you truly make it your own. Add something to it that reflects you as a couple or reiterates your wedding theme. Don't just do fondant and a silver monogram topper because that's what you have seen at every other wedding you have attended. Be creative. Do what you like and spend what you feel comfortable spending. Remember, by the end of the night, that cake is going to be decimated.
  
• Garter and bouquet toss - Since we are one of the last couples to tie the knot, I feel that it would be kinda silly to have these. Circumstances vary, and if you are one of the first to take the plunge, I say "go for it". But, in my situation, I want to avoid a bunch of children and pre-teens mixed in with my single friends.
  
• Flower girls & Ring Bearers - If you have a special child in your life that you want to honor, this is a great way to do so. But, if you don't have anyone that you can easily think of to fill that role, then skip it. It's no big deal. The rings can be carried by the MOH and the Best Man and the aisle can remain silk petal-free.
  
• Programs - NO PROGRAMS?!?!? Yep. Why spend hours and hours printing, tying ribbon, folding, stacking, gluing, etc. only to have people toss them at the end of the day. Anyone who has ever been to a wedding knows the basic "run of show". I'm planning to get a poster that has photos of the wedding party. When guests enter, they can familiarize themselves with their faces. It's unconventional, but I like that it minimizes waste and saves a tree or two.
  
• Hors d'Oeurves - Because I obviously don't want to be the "norm", I'm having a sit-down dinner. My reasons are these: First, the drive will be about an hour for most people, so I feel that I owe them a hot meal. Second, the closest restaurant/caterer specializes in "country cooking" So, the menu for the day will be: ham, turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, mac and cheese and rolls. And I'm excited about it. Seriously! I love down home food and so do most of our families and friends. I think it will be the perfect meal for the venue!
  
• Two colors only - My mom thinks I'm nuts. Yes, you have probably gathered that already from my previous posts. I have two basic colors for the day: royal blue and Granny Smith Apple Green. However, I have recently fallen in love with vintage tablecloths and I want them on my tables along with centerpieces made from mix-and-match china pieces. As you can guess, these tablecloths and china come in colors other than solely blue and green. But, I love the eclectic, shabby-chic vibe they have. And I hate that I'm made to feel (not just by her) that I can only have two colors. Why not every color? Seriously! Why does it all have to be matchy-matchy? Why can't it be fun, flowery, festive and funky?

Well, that ends my rant for today. My goal in posting this will never be to offend anyone, but rather to express my frustrations with the "box" that I am made to feel I have to fit into. It may go against Martha, the Knot and Brides Magazine, but by-golly I am doing this MY way. :-)