things I HATE about weddings

I've been absent lately (sorry!) and in the meantime I've started driving myself crazy over silly details and all kinds of things that have the power to turn a normal woman into a crazy bridezilla. So, I'm going to take a minute to remind myself of what I want out of my wedding day. To look at that, I have to force myself to remember that this is NOT a Martha Stewart wedding (though she does have some good ideas) and that this is NOT my friends' weddings (as lovely as they have been), this is NOT my mother's or sister's wedding and this is NOT a WIC wedding. Looking through wedding photos from people I do and do not know personally, I have to say that I see so many common themes. These themes are not necessarily steeped in tradition, but rather are things that we are "told" that we must incorporate into our day. Below is a listing of things I hate to see forced on brides. If you truly want these things, it is one thing. But to be made to feel like you have to have them in order to either keep up with your friends (i.e. compete with them) or because it's the "thing" to do is wrong. No wonder so many married couples begin their lives with wedding debt (or saddle it on their parents).

Disclaimer: if you have done these things, I am in no way judging you. I just want to know why I am expected to do/have them as well.

• Alcohol - Don't get me wrong, I love me some wine. But I wonder: do people really have to be trashed to have a good time? Is there not an instance where you can attend an event, be sober and enjoy yourself? Do you feel that it's your "right" to be served booze at a wedding reception? If you can't have fun at my wedding without a "beverage", then I really don't want you in attendance anyway.
  
• A band or DJ - My FH and I don't really dance. Plus, our wedding is alcohol free. Also, DJ's don't really play "our" type of music and we're not big into cover bands. Since FH has a PA system and since our iTunes libraries are both full, why not just set up a playlist? We will save $300 and get to hear the music we want to hear, when we want to hear it.
  
• Calla lilies - Once upon a time, I couldn't imagine a wedding without them. I've since changed my mind, since my own wedding won't have a single one in sight. They're still one of my favorite flowers, but I've seen them so many times in so many weddings. It's time for a new "it" flower, IMO.
  
• A layered wedding cake on a silver stand - I'm having a cupcake wedding. You wanna know why? Yes, because it's cheap. Cheap as in "I can feed 150 people for a FOURTH of what a cake costs". Seriously. You can get 150 cupcakes from Publix for under $100. Ask them about a wedding cake that feeds that many, and you will hear $300-$400 as a base price. If you are fortunate enough to have someone make you a cake as a gift, I am all for the layered cake. But, I ask that you truly make it your own. Add something to it that reflects you as a couple or reiterates your wedding theme. Don't just do fondant and a silver monogram topper because that's what you have seen at every other wedding you have attended. Be creative. Do what you like and spend what you feel comfortable spending. Remember, by the end of the night, that cake is going to be decimated.
  
• Garter and bouquet toss - Since we are one of the last couples to tie the knot, I feel that it would be kinda silly to have these. Circumstances vary, and if you are one of the first to take the plunge, I say "go for it". But, in my situation, I want to avoid a bunch of children and pre-teens mixed in with my single friends.
  
• Flower girls & Ring Bearers - If you have a special child in your life that you want to honor, this is a great way to do so. But, if you don't have anyone that you can easily think of to fill that role, then skip it. It's no big deal. The rings can be carried by the MOH and the Best Man and the aisle can remain silk petal-free.
  
• Programs - NO PROGRAMS?!?!? Yep. Why spend hours and hours printing, tying ribbon, folding, stacking, gluing, etc. only to have people toss them at the end of the day. Anyone who has ever been to a wedding knows the basic "run of show". I'm planning to get a poster that has photos of the wedding party. When guests enter, they can familiarize themselves with their faces. It's unconventional, but I like that it minimizes waste and saves a tree or two.
  
• Hors d'Oeurves - Because I obviously don't want to be the "norm", I'm having a sit-down dinner. My reasons are these: First, the drive will be about an hour for most people, so I feel that I owe them a hot meal. Second, the closest restaurant/caterer specializes in "country cooking" So, the menu for the day will be: ham, turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, mac and cheese and rolls. And I'm excited about it. Seriously! I love down home food and so do most of our families and friends. I think it will be the perfect meal for the venue!
  
• Two colors only - My mom thinks I'm nuts. Yes, you have probably gathered that already from my previous posts. I have two basic colors for the day: royal blue and Granny Smith Apple Green. However, I have recently fallen in love with vintage tablecloths and I want them on my tables along with centerpieces made from mix-and-match china pieces. As you can guess, these tablecloths and china come in colors other than solely blue and green. But, I love the eclectic, shabby-chic vibe they have. And I hate that I'm made to feel (not just by her) that I can only have two colors. Why not every color? Seriously! Why does it all have to be matchy-matchy? Why can't it be fun, flowery, festive and funky?

Well, that ends my rant for today. My goal in posting this will never be to offend anyone, but rather to express my frustrations with the "box" that I am made to feel I have to fit into. It may go against Martha, the Knot and Brides Magazine, but by-golly I am doing this MY way. :-)

Miss Manners on weddings

Some wonderful tidbits of opinion and advice from the authority herself, Miss Manners.

"Weddings have become meaningless and, not to say vulgar, and ostentatious. There’s a huge industry promoting that. What drives me crazy is that they’re always promoting expensive things under the name of, “It’s proper to do this,” or “People expect it.” And they’re the very things that are condemned by etiquette, which is not in the business of telling people to go into debt. But the ritual itself, if it could be hacked back to what it’s supposed to be, can be very lovely." Amen, sista.

And this little bit on favors:

"Who told you that you had to give out wedding favors? Etiquette has never thought of weddings as comparable to children’s birthday parties, where the guests might need consolation for not being the center of attention. You owe them only the hospitality of the occasion." Dear Mom, there will not be printed napkins. Miss Manners said so.

Bouquets

I have not been able to shake the thought of lovely button bouquets (thanks Meg!). After seeing this one on Letters4Lilly's Etsy page, I fell in love all over again. My grandmother and great-grandmother had a lot of brooches. Some were just Avon pieces from 20+ years ago, but there are some really unique ones in the bunch.

So...I'm going to attempt to make my button bouquet! I ordered a vintage tin filled with mixed cream/white buttons from Ebay, which should be arriving soon. Give me some wire and needle-nosed pliers and I'll be on my way. It should be interesting to see, especially since I don't consider myself especially crafty. Wish me luck!

Bridesmaid dresses

I am having the HARDEST time picking these things out! Here's the deal: I want my girls to be able to wear them again. Yes, everyone says that about all dresses (particularly anything black and/or short), but it's very rarely true. Short dresses have the "casual" factor that lends them to being re-worn, but fabric has to be a consideration as well. For my three or four readers out there, I need your advice! Here are the "issues" I've been having.

1.) Length - one of the bridesmaids wants a long dress, but I had my heart set on short. I can't decide if longer will be better in case the weather turns off cold, if I should let them mix and match, or if I should just go with all one style in a cocktail length?

2.) Styles - my girls all have very different shapes. Should I pick a color and let them choose their dress? If I'm going with a non-David's bridesmaid dress, this lovely royal blue boatneck is my first choice. It's by Alfred Sung for Dessy. Most of my girls are "blessed", so I like that we won't have to worry about anything showing that isn't supposed to. If I go with a David's Bridal dress, my favorite can be found here (in Horizon).

3.) Fabric - Satin is so lovely in a wedding. It has that glamorous vibe that most women want for their attendants. However, I'm almost 100% positive that a royal blue satin dress will probably remain in a closet tomb once the big day has come and gone. BM Anna and I talked about a shantung, a fabric that looks like silk but is not. However, I can't find that in the color I want...sadness. So, I thought about a cotton sateen. This fabric is casual enough to be worn again, yet has a little bit of "sheen" to dress it up. I'm wearing a dress in this fabric for Libby and Edmound's wedding next month and I love the dress so much, I can't wait to wear it to work (with a black cardigan, of course!). Anna says that cotton sateen may be too much like Spring/Summer. What do you guys think?

So...I've rambled on enough for today. Any advice you future or former brides have would be much, much appreciated.

Invitations

I'm working with the super awesome Lauren Minors, one of my sorority sisters and the proprietor of Asterisk Consulting, for the design of my invites and S-T-D's. You can be her fan on Facebook by clicking here. She's incorporating the apple theme into the invites and the proofs I've seen so far are lovely.

As for the paper, I have been through many debates. At first, I was taking inspiration from The Budget Savvy Bride's paper choices, which were metallic. I found some great deals on one of the sites she used, Envelope Mall, and ordered some samples. Turns out I'm not so keen on metallics after all. I've never been a glitter, shiny, princess-y girl so it just wasn't me. If it is you though, you CANNOT beat Envelope Mall's prices. Seriously.

So, after much searching and many (many) paper sample orders, I decided to go back to a site I hadn't visited in a while. Cards & Pockets has fantastic, pre-cut invitation assembly pieces in matte and metallic colors. They also have pocket, gate and zig-zag fold invites. With all the parts I'll need, I'm estimating my total bill to be $120. Can't beat it, can you?

Favors

When we got engaged, I told myself that I was not going to do favors. I thought they were wastes of money and time. I didn't think any of my guests would want a frame/bar of soap/candle with our names and wedding date. When I told my mom that I wasn't going to do the imprinted cocktail napkins, I think the poor woman died a little on the inside. I'm still hoping to talk her out of the napkins (or order just one set for her), but I did run across this idea on Martha Stewart Weddings.


The company that makes these lollipops, Ju-C Suckers, has tons of different styles, flavors and colors (one is even "sweet tea"--for real). I think I'm going to replicate the Martha Stewart idea using these apple shaped lollipops.

The small one on the left is $0.50 and the large one is $0.95. Ju-C Suckers will send them to you wrapped in cellophane (like in the photo above-you provide the ribbon) with a custom label on the back. LOVE IT!

flowers

Two great ideas for budget-friendly flowers for the bridesmaids. My bouquet, of course, will be different. Haven't ruled out the button one yet, Meg!

Carnations and baby's breath. Seriously. (And not together).

Carnations:
I have always had an aversion to carnations. To me, they've always looked like cheap, filler funeral flowers. Well, guess what readers? I was WRONG! Carnations can be absolutely GORGEOUS when composed in the right way. Take a look at these photos.













How can I hate carnations now?

The pink bouquet above was made with flowers found at the local supermarket! Seriously! And since carnations cost about $0.65 per stem (where roses cost $1.15 and up), you can save a TON by using them.

Baby's Breath:
I know, you're all wondering if I've lost my mind. I have not, I assure you (though today is testing me). Baby's breath, like carnations, often get a bad rap. But, when allowed to shine alone in a bouquet, they are almost ethereal. They cost about $13.00 a bunch (with 10 to 12 stems), so they are also very economical. Another benefit is their hardy nature. You won't see these guys wilting after a few hours. No, sir! Check out this lovely bouquet.
I may have a florist do these, but they are totally DIY as well. I would recommend ordering flowers from Blooms by the Box, a site I found via another wedding blog.